i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes

", "Actually, we're all very excited for Colin, as he's been invited to play at a U-2 gigwhat great reunion dances those German submarine crews have. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier Samantha first appeared on 18 May 1985. But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. "Samantha has been working down in the gramophone library today, where the archivists have been engaged in a heated argument about who sits at which desk to get the best view of Samantha's shapely legs. It once made a blind man deaf. Yours, Wiltshire Council. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (2008 TV Movie) Humphrey Lyttelton: Self - Host Showing all 17 items Jump to: Quotes (17) Quotes Humphrey Lyttelton : Incidentally, Colin's piano playing is widely believed by faith healers to hold miraculous powers. ", "The sound effects were acquired for us from the BBC archives by the lovely Samantha. Deadpan comedian Jack . m. madrigal. Can you tell me where the expression 'Dull as Ditch Water' comes from? When Humphrey Lyttelton was alive, and I'd meet fans of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and they discovered I wrote his scripts, the conversation would invariably go something like this: "It must be such a joy to work with Humph. Here, concluding our. 87 ratings5 reviews I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio. But it was the first three.. Eventually we had to call Barrys son to call Barrys wife and tell him to put his headphones back on., Having got through a pandemic, the show may yet survive, in some form, an even greater global catastrophe. 72. "Stand by Me" to the tune of the William Tell Overture (Paul Merton) 31. 30 of Jack Whitehalls funniest jokes I always thought rugby was dangerous. That went off very well. ", "We call the next game Word for Word; it's a word game. This page was last edited on 1 February 2023, at 00:16. He'll carefully take out her 38 bees and soon have them flying round his head. This page is not available in other languages. to the best of my recollection. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. Humph was famous for his delivery of deadpan double entendres on his radio show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Wordplay and innuendo are a large part of the show's humour. mw963 Posts: 2,844. Yes, Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into. Apparently, he's a vacuum cleaner salesman, and he's managed to get her the latest model. She particularly enjoys a rewarding poke in the country section. Im not interested anyway. Know what I like to do? Incidentally, new listeners to the programme may be interested to know that Colin Sell was a member of several pop groups in the 60's and 70's, some of which became quite well known after he'd left them. Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from one of BBC Radio 4's best-loved and most enduring comedy panel games. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio.It regularly attracts an audience of 2.5 million listeners on Radio 4, a figure that would put it comfortably into the top ten programmes on BBC2 or Channel 4. "The antidote to panel games", I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy show. Colin was telling us that he recently wrote a Horn Concerto for two Cornets. Tweet us @TeleTweetures with your thoughts. 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes Alternative definitions for some familiar English words: Macaroon To leave a Scotsman on a desert island, Mishmash What Sean Connery will do if he doesnt get to church on Sunday, Pantomime Underwear for the hard of hearing, Pastiche What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall, Pomegranate Australian for a Englishman made of stone, Reindeer A Michael Winner weather prediction, Scruple Cross between a screw top and a ring pull, Tenure How they describe a decade in the West Country, Testicle A boat makers first attempt at a coracle, Toll Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course, Truculent That lorry you used to rent out, Warehouse A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon, Wince A setting on Jonathan Rosss washing machine, The comments below have not been moderated, By During that dispute, the issue of low pay was also raised. But that was not long before he died [in 2021].. Well loved celebrities include Alan Bennett and Barry Cryer. 'Wait while someone comes on with piece of cardboard.'". The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV more More I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue quotes Collection Edit Buy Humphrey Lyttelton: ", "Now listeners will be surprised to hear that pop legend Cliff Richard once insisted that Colin played in The Shadows but then, he's not a pretty sight in broad daylight. 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes Mrs. Sell says it's the only thing that gets him up in the morning. Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedians funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Stewart Francis most ingenious jokes and one-liners In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing: Dear Dr Guillotine, We shall be pleased to grant a licence for your automated haircutting device just as soon as youve addressed one or two safety issues weve identified. 1.7K views, 25 likes, 1 loves, 2 comments, 4 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Kimball Concert Association: Evil Lives Here 2023 S5E14 Pls Join Group :. A Madrigal was a kind of medieval lament bemoaning the state of the world and harking back to mythical golden age which never existed. 12/04/20 - 13:16 #53. ", "Samantha nearly made it - she's been detained at the last minute in the city's Latin quarter. Winter: the season when we try to keep . Since its inception 'Clue' has seen its success blossom from the impish son of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' to the big daddy of all panel games. . 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners On 13 April 2002, during a round of Uxbridge English Dictionary in which new definitions are given to old words Stephen Fry offered: Countryside to kill Piers Morgan.. 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes . 71. The chairman, jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttelton, was an unusual choice, and he seemed appalled by the format, testily setting the length of one contest at two minutes, or as long as I can stand it. Posted on May 31, 2014 by ablestmage. ", "Samantha has to nip out now to spend time with her new gentleman friend. Caberet - wide range of taxis for hire. He really should use a stronger denture fixative if he's going to blow that hard. He was making notes to remind himself to point them out. Here are some of the funnyman's most hysterically glum jokes: "I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs - like custom officers. The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Sometimes I wondered if producer Jon Naismith and I took too much advantage of his easygoing insouciance. As the worldwide economic crisis marches on, the contestants offer a selection of low-budget remakes of famous films and television shows: Harry Potter And The Paul Daniels Magic Set. 2 days until dreams become reality. Let's move on. So Id rehearse it one key and then, in the recording, put it up a bit higher to throw him.. And then the Anthony Worrell-Thompson sausages. 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners Panel Game (according to the introduction, "the antidote to panel games") broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and the "classic radio" station BBC 7. Is this the Guinness Book of World Records record for Guinness Book of World Records? I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in.. 20:57 EDT 23 Sep 2012 There was more than that for me. (Humphrey Lyttleton's final joke on the show, recorded shortly before his death in April 2008), "You'll be accompanied by Colin Sell on the piano. Have a nice day day at the orafice., I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. The bins are round the back! For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he was the only one to hear the show before it went out. Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer, regular panellists on Radio 4's panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, Donald Trump to arrive in UK in week of Coronation, I wasnt good at being a performing monkey, King reveals in BBC documentary, Sadiq Khans Ulez has turned centre of London into a ghost town, I took a pay cut to get a public sector pension, Technology and slow growth will destroy 14 million jobs by 2027, Jewish leaders want to meet Guardian editor over anti-Semitic Richard Sharp cartoon, reports that BBC Radio 4 considered toning down. "I Will Survive" to the tune of "Over the Rainbow" (Tim Brooke-Taylor) 32. ", "Dear Dr. Clare, So pleased to hear that Tim Brooke-Taylor is back - without him the show was like Hamlet without the balcony scene.". 30 of Stephen Frys funniest jokes and quotes In the modern world this is known as the Daily Mail. Introduced as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Valentines poems: 32 most romantic quotes from historys greatest poets Weve always tried to do the show, says Garden, as if there were quite a severe BBC censor still in existence and we were obliged to get in the dirty jokes through innuendo rather than saying the words directly. But, at 12.52 on a Thursday afternoon, a Radio 4 punchline landed the most taboo word in broadcasting using Clues signature trick of blue-chip filth where the rudeness isnt visible on the script, but is made audible in the delivery. But I think there was also a sense that, as Humph was saying this stuff, it couldnt possibly be as rude as it sounded because he was so respectable.. Highlights from recent series of the perennial antidote to panel games. How did Blair take this weekly misrepresentation of his sexuality? While she's very keen on his kidneys in red wine and his oxtail in beer, Samantha says it's difficult to beat his famous tongue in cider." In which the teams introduce the guests arriving at a society ball, this time from the construction industry: Will you welcome please, Mr and Mrs Cotter-Tiling and their son, Terry, And from Ireland, Mr and Mrs ODoors and their son, Paddy, Mr and Mrs Antilers and their son Rufus, Mr and Mrs Loadabricks and their son Laurie, Mr and Mrs Duz-Merchants and their son, Bill. Jul 27, 2018 - A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as well as a few with Una Stubbs and Christopher Biggins) from the BBC Radio 4 panel game "I'm Sorry I Haven. Arent they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. . Perennial antidote to panel games. ", "Leeds galleries and museums may contain countless priceless artefacts, but keen-eyed visitors may also find here certain curiosities of no financial value, remnants from a bye-gone age guaranteed to kill half an hour. Dandelion - camp Big Cat. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue has been delighting fans since 1972. I found it very frustrating. The programme is known for its ridiculous rounds and games, such as Mornington Crescent and Word Disassociation played completely for laughs by the panellists who, to the untrained eye, might appear at first to be playing for points. Sit down, Madam." As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, . Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 21 of Rhod Gilberts funniest jokes and one-liners 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians Graeme Garden, Humphrey Lyttelton, Barry Cryer and Tim Brooke-Taylor in 2001. Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. Then he pointed up to the circle and said: "I was only joking. 26 of Seann Walshs greatest jokes Dear Herr Hitler, Sorry for taking a while to get back to you. The sound isn't terribly good. again, so he's had to come on his bike. I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in Jan Ravens. On 11 April 1972 at 12.25pm, between a You and Yours discussion on Whats new in playground equipment and a World at One report on Labour party turmoil over the Common Market referendum, BBC Radio 4 launched a comedy game show. I'm pretty sure you have a perfect understanding cos your post makes absolute sense and we all recognise Corporal big ears Normie and Bomber wing ears Normie. The inspiration was always there to do something more quirky, more daring, more stupid and, occasionally, even more outrageously knob-gag-laden. Which is why I havent., The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. The client was so impressed, he threw in a mivvi and a choc ice as well. ", "While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's", "Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if Im all right. "It happened some time . 30 of Romesh Ranganathans funniest jokes and quotes ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week. Much play was made of Humph as the "purveyor of blue-chip filth", and he liked that title. . . That Lyttelton did another 43 runs of a show marking five decades on air is due, Garden believes, to a change to its initial, completely improvised, approach which was a bit too casual. . 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes From the moment Humph took the two small envelopes containing the scripts printed on postcards, the words became his. The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs RIP Tim. Here's just a selection to remind you: Samantha has to nip out now as she has promised to style her new gentleman friend's hair for him. ", "Despite this only three expressions of Scottish derivation are in regular use: kilt, haggis, and Partick Thistle nil. After 30 minutes, the doleful host declared that the first show had come to a merciful end. To calm things down, she had to keep them apart all morning." Ballykissangel. Will Somebody Shut Those Bloody Lambs Up? Wait a minute, there's a bit here I didn't read. . 50 of Frankie Boyles funniest (and darkest) jokes Mayhew-Archers view is that we were able to get away with jokes in Clue that other shows couldnt because Graeme and Tim [Brooke-Taylor of The Goodies] and the others were revered. Yours in haste, Mrs. Trellis, Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter Y? That was generally the case - except when I had the luxury of Humph's voice in my head. " the man who put the C into rap music Colin Sell! Yours Sincerely, Mrs. Trellis. Racing the express train from London, he won by a full eleven minutes. And the show is such a broadcasting institution that its half-century edition will be recorded at the Royal Albert Hall. "Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter 'Y'? 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 26 of Sara Pascoes funniest jokes and quotes I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used. List of Games On I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue - Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) Late Arrivals (at A Society Ball) . Yours, Mrs. Trellis. Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". Item Information. Here is a compilatio. He's recently become a bit of an expert with the pan pipes so if anyone has a blocked toilet they want cleared", "As ever, Colin Sell will be providing backup on the piano, although that's by no means his only instrument. 16K views, 567 likes, 121 loves, 6 comments, 33 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Iglesia Portal Campestre: Has the i.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t clue of the case been discovered by Rex You know that whenever musicians hear that Colin's working with us, they're always very keen for news of the old maestro well, sadly, it's failed it's M.O.T. There can be no greater compliment to the performance of a script than for the audience to fail to notice there is one. He also said he had never been so proud as when fellow jazzman George Melly, probably the filthiest raconteur ever to have scandalised an audience, claimed to be shocked at what Humph was getting away with. Oh hang on. Recorded in 2008 at The Lowry in Salford. ", "Colin Sell is at the piano, and with exciting career news - he tells me that he's recently started to work with pop sensation Bjork, so now he's making regular trips to Iceland or if they're shut, he goes to Bejams. 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians It says on my thing here, you all keep going until it stops being funny. ", "The city (Leeds) has connections with many famous people. Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids They're going on a driving tour of Wales. Garden recalls a meeting with then BBC director general, Mark Thompson, at which Thompson cried: Double everyones pay!, Fees have remained unchanged since, say insiders. (All books that might be found on the bookcase of Donald Trump), Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales", Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. He had no future comedy career to worry about. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke Then I thought, thats what often happens in the recordings., One of its new stars, Pippa Evans, remembers a mad lockdown recording, where Barry Cryer kept taking his headphones off and we couldnt get his attention. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. ", "Welcome to ISIHAC where fun and laughter get on like a mouse on fire. So me and Harry Hill wrote signs saying: Barry! and held them up. A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has 'an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack', but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing. Frazier has been assigned to Triple-A Charlotte. 2012 Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Willie Rushton, Iain Patterson, Jeremy Hardy and Jon Naismith. His job was to read it. Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. ", "Actually, we were all very impressed to learn that Colin once played alongside Roy Orbison. She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her . Extracted from Im Sorry I Havent A Clue: The Best Of Forty Years by Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jack Dee et al, to be published by Preface on October 4 at 20. New voices Pippa Evans is now a regular on the show. Read about our approach to external linking. The 72nd series of the multi award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. ", "This week we can promise you a nail-biting contest followed by a nose-picking contest. ", "Samantha has to nip out now, as she is off to see a Scots trawlerman friend, whose vessel needs to go in for repairs. Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. Dear I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Mailing List Member. Lyttelton's Britain: A User's Guide to the British Isles As Heard On BBC Radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, by Iain Pattinson, is published by Preface. Lazy cow hasnt even taken her milk in for a fortnight!, Try saying: Whale Oil Beef Hooked without sounding like an Irish man swearing., One of my friends went on a murder weekend now he is doing life for it., A sewage farm. Clue also survived the technical challenge of lockdown recordings on Zoom. ", "We've asked Colin Sell to provide piano accompaniment. "Dear Mrs Lawley, Here's an idea: How about a celebrity version of 'Desert Island Disks'? Indeed, he often said he wanted to drive between gigs in a tradesman's van with "Humphrey Lyttelton: Purveyor of Blue-Chip Filth" written on its sides. After a set-piece game, he might say: "'If that dies on its arse, make them do another one.' The programme was first aired on April 11th1972 and the signature tune ", "Oh wait a minute, I've goofed. For info . ", "Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears. One of the series other crucial personnel is Colin Sell the resident pianist since being recruited as a student in 1975. This is a very popular programme with Theosophists. "Buffet" is a French word that means "get up and get it yourself.". Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, dont they? (November 2006), "In her spare time, Samantha likes nothing more than to peruse old record shops. During his silent, solitary pre-show read-through in a dingy corner of the theatre, I would occasionally spot him scribbling notes when he discovered a typo or a grammatical error. "Samantha has recently taken up beekeeping with a small hive, housing just three dozen or so. Iain Pattinson the man who wrote the gags for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, recalls his razor-sharp wit, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. Missed ISIHAC on Monday so I only got to hear the latest Lionel Blair joke at lunchtime. Opportunity Knocks said it was the worst novelty drag act they'd ever had on the show. Free shipping for many products! ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. ", "Samantha has to nip out now with her new gentleman friend. ", "Canterbury today is an interesting mix of traditional and modern buildings, due to the large number of bombs dropped during the last war. [significant pause] On the piano, Colin Sell! comedy panel game "I'm sorry, I haven't a clue". ", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell. ", "While Samantha nips out to warm up her little Morris", Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. ", "Accompaniment here will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. 25 of Dara Briains best jokes and funniest quotes With Jeremy, the reason he was so bad was that he had never sung in public. 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny The manageress at Dorothy Perkin's says if she catches him in there again, she'll call the police. Garden remembers: We had one complaint about Samantha, which the BBC took incredibly seriously and promised she would be removed from the premises. Sincerely, Specsavers, The High Street, Hastings. The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. ", "Well with Mickey Mouse's big hand pointing upwards and Goofy's tail pointing downwards, I realise my Rolex is a fake. The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes It was like being at the golf club, she says. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy Barry was Old School; in his stand up act he told jokes. "", "Incidentally, Colin's first TV appearance was when he played the mouth organ in Black Lace. ", "Close by is Wycombe Air Park. 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes The unfortunate demise of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, William Caxton invents the Printing Press, Sir Walter Raleigh presents tobacco and potatoes at the court of Elizabeth I, Oedipus Rex blinds himself after marrying his mother, Jocasta, Joseph and his Amazingly Technicolor Entrecote, It seems to me I've heard this song beef-, If you like it, you should have put an electronic tag on it, If you liked it, you should've put a wheelclamp on it, If you liked it, you should have put herring on it, Cheese Eaten Too Close To Bedtime On Elm Street, The Long Way Round, Avoiding The River Kwai, Bring Me Someone Who Knows Alfredo Garcia, Four Engagement Parties and a Bloke Who Doesn't Feel Very Well, Let's Hope Nobody Comes and Snatches These Bodies. Born in 1972, it was something of a continuation of the Sketch Show I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again (which was also the origin of Monty Python's Flying Circus and The Goodies). Rounds included team members being required to sing Three Blind Mice to the tune of Old Man River; other challenges included improvising rhyming lines. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue: smuttiest jokes. It reads: "When I heard Colin Sell playing the mouth organ, I rushed in just in time to catch his set. Humphrey Lyttelton chairs the perennial antidote to panel games, The antidote to panel games. ", "This musical lament will be accompanied by Colin Selland music doesn't come more lamentable than that. I said were gonna invade Tie Rack. After Chairman Humph, we got Have I Got News for You, They Think It's All Over, Never Mind the Buzzcocks and countless other comedy panel games, where the chairman appears not to want to be there and isn't too fond of either his guests or the subject matter. Best Smart DNS for Spain. 105 of the best bad jokes He is key to the 50-year-old round One Song to the Tune of Another, whose highlights include performances such as Rob Brydon singing the theme from Spider-Man to Bring Him Home from Les Misrables, and the heroic tone-deafness of Jeremy Hardy. He lays ribbons of sticky wax paper on her thighs and then lets them dry. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners So that's answered your next question. In what way is it a farm? I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin., Dear Mr. President: What were the chances of someone called Mr. President actually getting that job? Do hope you havent embarked on another career. One running joke (usually by Graeme Garden) is the appearance of Mr and Mrs Bennett- (Long phrase of exclamation relevant to the subject) and their son Gordon, the joke being that this is an easy cop-out (e.g., at the Builders . Enforced Holiday. Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Box Set Of 6 CD's Used at the best online prices at eBay! People often talk of the rich, slightly posh, authoritarian tone of Humph's voice. After countryside, the second most legendary piece of smut is probably a report of Samanthas visit to a gastropub where she didnt fancy the landlords sausage but said shed really like his tongue in cider. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp You must be kicking yourself. . Yours etcetera, Dear Leonardo da Vinci, Scrub the sitting Ive got to go to the dentist. English Various radio episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue from 1999-2004 with extra special programmes including " Humph Biography " and " Humphrey Lyttleton Tribute " which remembered the chairman of the programme after his death.

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