I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. The only thing you know about them is youre attracted to them physically, and they are friendly when youre in the shop (which should be the standard for any customer service staff). They dont look for or even care if they get a non-verbal clue she is interested. Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. I agree with Alison: its not no no no never never never but one must be exquisitely aware of the context, which means an almost never thing. The key difference was that he had been coming into my bookstore for at least 6 months and chit-chatting with me about stuff, usually books but other things as well, before asking me out. I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Where I grew up (the UK) it is com My base presumption is the OP is generally comfortably asking a person out. Ask and offer advice for specific dating situations. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. when Im meeting someone new. Thats sad. I had a long conversation with a nice guy at a mom-and-pop camera store, and I felt intrigued. If you dont hear from him in a week oh well. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. I had to over-analyze every word that came out of my mouth so as not to sound too friendly or encouraging. I get enough catcalls on the streets. Also, the OP doesnt need to overthink: the answer is almost certainly no. Hes probably being nice to the OP because being nice to customers is part of his job. THAT IS NOT ME FLIRTING OR LEADING YOU ON, THAT IS ME DOING MY JOB. Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. ", Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). Make yourself stupid by doing I'll just assume you're somewhat smart as to not be caught doing this and that you've already made your mind up. +1000. I avoided the drive thru for a few months after that but when I went back we both just acted like nothing had happened. She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. At the end of the day, Im with Captain Awkward. was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! You rarely get a sense of whether someones interesting when theyre being polite or friendly due to the nature of their job. I don't believe I do haha. Can anyone help me? In the last few years, Ive had men ask me out, and although flattering, theyre usually significantly older than me (40s and 50s even) and it puts me in a very awkward position of turning them down. Haha well I plan on it next time I see her working, but idk her work schedule thats the only thing stopping me. But regardless of where the pendulum swings, they are stuck behind that counter, so theres a power issue. A man then became irate, police said and waited for the cashier to walk away. _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. One of the firemen involved found one of my coworkers to be attractive. Most importantly, if you see that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation with you, do not insist. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. I have never asked an employee out or hit on a woman working before, and for some reason I think this woman is special, even though I dont know intimate details about her life and vice versa. Nothing high pressure, just hey call me if you want to get coffee. We hung out a few times, then both moved away from the area but were still friendly now. The next time the store is slow and he rings you up when youre the only person in line have that piece of paper ready. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. You have no idea how she feels about it until you actually ask so the only way to find out is to flat our ask her. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? But fr what a lot of people are saying here, has the world just gotten that much more creepy? Since there's a lineup it may be easiest if you have your number written on a piece of paper to leave it with her. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. Just be polite. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. She might even get her manager to deny you access to the store. Show confidence. 2. I got asked out by a male repeat customer around my age who had always been polite, nonthreatening, was quite nice-looking, and very interesting to talk to. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. Youre the second person to mention Facebook. While I've known this girl she has blocked or otherwise shut out countless guys trying the same thing and that could easily have been me as well. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? Act normal. She wound up finally, after months, during one of their rounds of banter, writing down her number and giving it to him and saying something like if he wanted to get to know her outside the coffee shop, he could text her, but if he didnt that was fine too. She will expect you, on next visit, to quiz her about "did you come?" Religious group. Ask him how his day is going. Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. You can engage in small talk then, without a long queue forming behind you. Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. Consider a series of improving options. Meh. Youre just engaging through a different means of communication rather than face to face. But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). The worst that could happen to whom? But I think there are easier first dates. Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. Much better, now we've avoided putting her on the spot, we've just slipped her a little bit of intelligence, with no request whatsoever for her to act. However, I would go about this very, very carefully and only do it if you are more than reasonably sure that he feels the same way. And Ive just finished my milk.. He was driving through the parking lot at work, waiting by my car, leaving things at the customer service counter for me like cards, flowers, etc.. it was extremely uncomfortable not just for me but for my coworkers who were forced to be nice to this creep.. and yes, hes certainly a creep. She will appreciate you phrasing it in a way that doesn't put her on the spot. Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? NB They were both well into their 30s when they met. Its not flattering, it makes me cringe. And then poof you have a friend, and can still visit the business. When he's getting off work and what plans he has afterward. And Id probably be sure to check in on Swarm so thered be a record of it. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. After about 2 months of running into her regularly, you can usually try seeing if shes interested in going to a movie or something. Oh gosh students. That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. It was very intentional for me to talk to you about games. I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. isn't found by making her uncomfortable. Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! Ive been pondering this exact situation, in regards to the guy at the corner store I go to. I think if the OP really, really wants to follow up on this guy, the way to do it is by very gradually escalating and paying a lot of attention to his responses. Stay positive and move on quickly. I think Aaron indicated clearly that being flattered is tied specifically to an appropriate non-creepy invitation; he didnt suggest that any type of behavior is flattering as long as theres romantic interest. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her? I actually thought the OP might be a man. If I helped, Im glad! I cant throw enough yesses at this reply, fposte. To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! I was also wary for the same reasons you are. If youre looking to get your hands on the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, then youre in luck! What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? Above all else, be respectful, kind and courteous no matter what their response is. This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. If the girl laughs, half the work is done. Especially if whatever person I was talking to was clearly busy with something else. - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. But don't do it at her work. It would be fascinating. And as long as you are willing to hear them say no (and you are not a crazy person) then there is not a lot to lose. how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Being a little bit creepy, is okay, if you can't help it (you should), but don't be a stalker. Think of it this way: can you think of someone you think is genuinely rather awful? Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. I guess the sexy librarian thing does not help in that respect either :(((. Ubuntu won't accept my choice of password. What would think if one of your employees asked out a customer? I worked at a coffee shop for a few years so awkward when people would hit on me. Shed been going to the coffee shop for several months, and he was really friendly every time they talked, complimenting her on safe topics like her manicure, etc. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. Im assuming that some places have policies about this sort of thing but have no idea about the policies at this store. Additionally, it can be helpful to practice what you want to say beforehand. This will not get you a natural reaction and is prone to outside interaction from her co-workers and such. In Ohio, we have drive-thrus where you can literally drive through and buy beer, cigarettes, pop, etc. It puts the ball in her court, but at the same time provides some asynchronous communication so that she doesn't have to react if she doesn't want to (which is why I said 'don't ask'). Also regarding not having much time because there's a lineup. I have a boyfriend. Since your hunch is that she does like you, all you really need to do is open a door. That is a concern I had thought of. :( Or, to put it more pithily, as this linked post full of citations says in its title, Mythcommunication: Its Not That They Dont Understand, They Just Dont Like The Answer Seemed like a good method to me. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). When asking out a cashier, one should be aware that there is always a chance of rejection. I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. Mad props to the waiter for bringing his date to the party. The "honey" and "dear' is a southern thing. That doesnt mean that you should never do it or that it never works out, but it does mean thatif youre going to do it, its key to approachit in a low-key way that makes it really, really easy for the personto say no. First, make sure that you are respectful and courteous when asking for From a quick skim of the comments, it seems like Im in the minority opinion here (Im a man myself), but two things: 1. Sometimes the entire queue could stop and simply have a collective chat with the shopkeeper about some random thing, such as the weather, and such spontaneous conversations take place frequently. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. I believe we're all mature enough to understand the fact that people react differently to you based on how they feel about you. Or even worse if I read the signs wrong and she rejects me? I have read most of the answers, but none has found themselves in your situation. Or something like that, I don't remember, it doesn't matter anyway. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Even if she's busy on Thursday, or does not share your interest in this type of event it's a first step. Although once I did meet a very nice young man who sneaked back in after his party had left to ask me for my phone number but promised that he would never sit in my section again if that embarrassed me or made me uncomfortable. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. My question is how I can ask for her number, or ask her out for coffee while she is only sitting at the checkout? Poor, oblivious Husband. But ultimately, I cant change who I am nor should I. This might be a Western European city, or an 'East' German village, who knows. If you are really interested and you think this guy could be something really special then there is a gentle way to go about it. Whoa, is Missed Connections still a thing? How are engines numbered on Starship and Super Heavy? Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. That's what "creepy" means. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is on And the people who are psychic: youre misunderstanding their friendly customer service smile as interest. At some point, she told him Hey, I have this song I think you should hear but I forgot to download it onto my phone. Women deal with this sort of stuff all the time at work, in public, going about errands, etc. Haha I like that! Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. I never watch the show. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. Cheesy romance story. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. That is classic. By entering this site you declare Now if in chatting it comes up that you and your friends frequent X location on Saturday nights because you love live music etc, and they show up there to say hello or you happen to run into them elsewhere, its more of a grey area thats more arguably okay. So if you cant do that, or you can talk yourself into just enjoying the eye candy, dont do it. Its not a situation I would want to be in and Id never want to do it to someone else. But many parties are crowded and noisy and everyone is running about mingling. Its awkward. (Funny I mentally blocked that). Like I said, Id be flattered, even if I was interested and it wouldnt be weird for me to see you again in the future. And there's the factor that when men are hurt, they sometimes hurt back. Because at least some of us have gotten really, really scary reactions from men when we turned them down. Assuming you have written your number in that note, she will text/call you if she is interested, otherwise you should not try to do anything more. There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a The flaw in this approach is there isn't really an explainable reason for telling her that. An awkward situation she is placed in repeatedly by men, through no doing of her own and with no way to prevent it, due to their sex drives. Is there any known 80-bit collision attack? Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. And what do you think about customers asking out your employees? (gives performance flyer). Honestly, Id rather be hit on in a low-key non-awkward manner than asked out in an intense, awkward way. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. Thus the popularity, especially by women, of letting them down easy. We were both flattered though and it wasnt awkward. Or if you buy a bottle of wine, you can ask her about it. I thought that died out years ago. I have a fair number of female friends, and many (Id wager most) feel flattered when a man approaches them confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way. Whatever you do don't follow them after work into the parking lot. And I have a boyfriend doesnt even slow down most of these guys. ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. In this case, the crush could have ignored it. But this isnt two people meeting in public. Its public for the customer but a workplace for the employee. Unless hes specifically told you about these things, you dont know whats going on in the background for him, and what it might raise. Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? OP, I did this once. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! This is NOTHING like the experience of attractive (or even unattractive) women I worked with. Or some other thing where you set out an opportunity to see you, an easy one, and see if he takes it. He was never angry or aggressive when we were together, just smothering and overstepping his boundaries. I waited tables for a very long time. But he wasnt asking her out. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. This is how normal people meet, during the course of a normal day. The last time I was in, I said it was weird we didnt know each others names by now, so I told her mine and got hers and the other cashiers she was talking to. No one wants to be a creeper. Try going into the store when it's not as busy. If youre going to do this, the leaving your number AND THEN LEAVING, with the expectation of not returning to that business, is the least awful approach. Sometimes its just part of the job. She thought they got along OK and that he seemed interested, but he never asked her out. Oh, my bleeding eyes. Make me a good burrito, and you will always have a platonic place in my heart. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. As an anecdote, we recently had an emergency drill that involved several different departments at my place of employment. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. If she seems to like the idea, then exchange numbers. I was watching the whole scene unfold and he was trying his best to extend his little chat with her by just grasping at whatever topic he could think of in this sheepish, gigglish tone, and her simple responses back to him without breaking a smile, while also ringing out my items.
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